Ides of March


On this possibly inaccurate day in history Julius Caesar was stabbed in the back by his friends and advisors. He was warned of the threat but chose not to take it to seriously. That’s is an assumption on my part since, well, he did die.

 

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Beware is a great word!

 

People are treacherous and it takes on a life of it’s own once begun. Wondering what would happen if, and then talking to others about it can have serious repercussions. It’s not always just a “what if” to certain disturbed individuals. Backstabbing, which is really what happened to poor old Julius has been taken down a notch now to simple trash talking behind someone else’s back, that’s where it comes from though. Social media and the news have taken it all to an entirely new level though.

 

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New Facebook Like?

 

Wanting to make the world a better place by hanging the Dictator in question from the yardarm, or defenestrating the king can have serious repercussions down the line. No one likes the backstabbing when it happens but everyone allows it. I think it’s an unavoidable truth of this world now, which is sad. Sharpen those knives folks, its National backstabbing month… Odd how march is immediately followed up with “Just Kidding” day on April first…

Don’t do this. Killing Other People’s Character’s!


I recently had the great joy of Driving with my wife and younger Daughter to go look at a College she was invited to attend.  A four hour drive wasn’t bad, we all happen to have odd but complimentary senses of humor.  We sang a bit and tried teaching her more road trip car games like, license plate bingo. This changed to why kids don’t play road trip games. I won that one since the Daughter wasn’t listening, she was distracted by her iPhone. (Grin).

Trip was good, drive was pleasant, singing off key… all normal.  Every time we passed a sign for a college or university I would ask loudly “It’s this school right?” and would get a response involving why she can’t or won’t go there. Some of the answers were crazy, “I’m not blind”, “I think that place is made up”. Things like that.

I’m getting to the point… relax there Skippy.  What I was saying was this. I had an engaged and fun drive and it was more like five hours. Only to get there and be bored out of my skull.  There are only so many of the same conversations I can have with parents all excited about what they are doing. I’m not excited I’m sad… My Daughter whom I adore is leaving, sure she’ll come back but she won’t be… not really, not ever. I didn’t want to be sad, or bored so Instead I made up “Jasper”.

My son Jasper was born five minutes into the cocktail hour from whole cloth and my imagination. Jasper Is a Symphonic Orchestra Major, since he loves Parades… You heard me… It doesn’t have to make sense. Jasper Picked the school because the school is named after a fictional TV show character… yep that’s right, That’s how my second Son rolls. No No, he didn’t get a scholarship and the school really doesn’t offer the classes he needs but he does so Love that TV show so this is where he is going… yep. He’s daring and dashing and going to take the world by storm even with his self imposed handicaps of wrong classwork and no scholarship. Why you ask…?

Becaauaaase I was bored and wanted to change the responses I got from the parents… It didn’t change though. My Daughter who is going to be a Librarian, the Best Librarian ever by the way. She planned and thought everything out ON HER OWN. She’s intelligent, witty, resourceful and an all around WINNER. She is deserving of all she gets since she has earned it and worked for it.. Jasper was made up and got the same responses.

How’s that for an Outside Perception. People respond in similar ways to similar stimuli. “That’s Fantastic”, “Good For her/him”, “You must be so proud!” yes, yes I am, because in addition to the things I already said about my Daughter she’s also an original… luckily she doesn’t bow to peer pressure and will remain true to herself a fun loving person who thinks what I did was funny.

Good Luck Kiddo we all await your decision, thank god you have better reasoning then your second brother.

 

Oh and her Mom, while also thinking it was funny thought it was OK to Kill Jasper off….. That’s some serious Bullshit.. hence the title of the post.

 

The End.

 

 

Customer and the Door of Doom.


I must say, we do get some interesting happenings within the four walls that used to  encompass my  retail working domain. One day though… something happened, something funny. I’m not sure how many of you are aware of the deactivation pads for the sensor strips. For those of you that don’t a bit of instruction. My store put little tags on things… little white magnetic tags. Magical Tags… they helped identify the evil stealers.
Once a product is tagged it will make the pillars of justice (the sensors) scream like a little who kid who just dropped their ice cream Cone. It is loud, lights up and on occasion makes some of our older customers pacemakers skip a beat. Image result for Retail Security Sensors
To avoid the death of our patrons we had small deactivation pads that turn off the magnetic tattletales so the pillars wont scream at people. Sadly… on large objects we can’t turn the tags off. You see, these pads are under the monitor in a small nook. Not much gets under there and to be honest, sometimes we forget. This particular day though… I forgot… Very nice lady came in for a cordless phone battery. We chat a bit while I figure out which one and get her settled. She ended up getting some batteries for around the house too. I had some inexpensive headphones on the counter and she decides she would like those as well. All totaled $52 and some change, I get her email for her bounce back coupon, ring her up and wish her a great day. Off she goes, until…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP B E E P ! ! ! ! !

The pillars go off, just as she hits the second door… the one we keep locked. At this point I am heading toward her and telling her it’s alright. She is still pushing on the door, the one that won’t open, pillars still screeching away.  When I reach her I tell her everything is fine, apologize for the noise and wish her a good day as “I” open the door for her. She says thank you and complements us on the amazing security system we have. She has never been in a place that the door locks when the security system goes off…

If only we could get a cage to drop from the sky as well. I don’t miss most of retail… but sometimes…

 

 

X-Plan: Giving your kids a way out (#xplan)


(As seen on The Today Show, Good Housekeeping, HerViewFromHome, ScaryMommy, The Huffington Post, Mamamia, MomsEveryday, and numerous social and news media outlets. UPDATED – 3/3/2017) Friends…

Source: X-Plan: Giving your kids a way out (#xplan)

 

I have done something Similar with my Kids. My Mother did something Similar with me and Mr. Fulks took it to a whole new level. I encourage you to go take a look at his Blog and implement this for your family.

I Hate That Guy!


In my many years of life on this Blue Marble floating through the void, I have come to the conclusion that we all have a Nemesis. The person changes from time to time, dependent on life and work.  Here is the situation; guy at work SUCKS. So far so good right? Maybe Gal at work.  They never actually do anything. They talk all the time. They say inane thing like, “Yeah, but. What if…” They are self-promoting, asshats with delusions of grandeur. When they do something wrong it was never them, but “those” other people.  Accountability, they scorn it. Responsibility they ignore it. However, they are loved by all but you. So you stew, quietly in your own juices and wish they were pelted by feces thrown from a pair of rabid monkeys on hand just for that purpose.

Image result for monkeys fling pooI do have some helpful advice for you on this matter. Really, that is why you come here isn’t it, weird advice.  Wish this person well… talk them up, get them the hell away from wherever it is you are stuck together.  Tell his boss, take out an ad, rent a billboard. Whatever it takes… Learn smoke signals if need be. Then when he gets the new job and is moving on let them brag about it.  Let them boast and chide you for your failures never knowing it was you who helped them on their way. This is how you be the better person.

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Or… you know… Actually hire the poo flinging monkeys, I hear they work cheap.

 

Statistics On Crime – No Not Really


We all want things, things we would do almost anything to attain. If you have been reading along it should be clear by now that I want a Velociraptor and a complete abolishment of garden gnomes. I want you to keep something in mind though. Owning a thing, a thing that is WAAAAYYYY cool causes others to want what you have. These people could lie, cheat, steal, and even kill to obtain that which you have.

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Stop Thief!

Seriously, what the point in walking my new Pet Velociraptor if some guy in a Robin mask is just going to swing in toss him in a sack an… ummm wait. No that example doesn’t work. Chompy, that’s my pets name, would eat that guy. Instead, let’s go with you have this really nice watch. Guy runs up snatches it off your wrist and steals you hat too. I mean come on, who steals a hat?Image result for hat thief

Now, you can’t tell what time it is. You probably couldn’t anyway, expensive watches don’t let you read the time. To make matters worse, now the sun is beating down on your uncovered head as well.  Could this day possibly get any worse?

 

Having expensive stuff doesn’t make you cool or important. Having expensive stuff just makes you a crime statistic that hasn’t occurred yet… bastard took my hat, sheesh.

 

 

Karma Isn’t a Person With a Checklist


Karma isn’t a simple matter of getting what you give.  There isn’t some person named Karma walking around with a tablet making good marks and bad marks depending on the situation.  You have Karma confused with Santa.  If there was some guy, or girl… It would be a girl for sure, named Karma the whole world would be a nicer place to live.

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Karma from League of Legends Vs. Santa From the North Pole

Unfortunately for you, Karma doesn’t work that way. It’s not a vending machine, pop in a $1.25 and out pops a can of Jack Daniels in a sippy box with a straw. Don’t judge, you have your dreams and I have mine. Karma can’t be bribed, bought, tricked or cheated. You just have to wait until it happens. The wait can be excruciatingly long, or Karma can strike and no one notices.

Let’s say that you, my loyal reader has been pumping change into the Karma machine at a regular pace.  Mostly good things, kind words and actions, charitable works… you know the things you do better than I.  Oddly, nothing good comes your way, or so you think.  Well, let me ask you this, how would you know?  Perhaps that near miss at the traffic intersection this morning was your payback.  The fact that you haven’t been eaten by a pack of Jackalopes might be a Karma at work.  Maybe there were going to be cuts at your new job, and instead they found other offsets to keep you on. All without you even knowing about it.  Karma, doesn’t advertise it just is. These thoughts you have of things just aren’t going your way, maybe they are, and you simply don’t know about it.

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