Something to read…. read this


You see, I had been trying to figure out what I should read today and then discovered I couldn’t decide. I just finished reading Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time. .. again. If you haven’t read that and you enjoy really lengthy gigh fantasy epics I say give it a shot … took me four weeks this time.

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The Wheel Of Time

Now though, I’m stuck for ideas. I do read a lot and with the loss of almost every bookstore it’s harder to find new things. Browsing Amazon is by no means the same as going into a store and browsing. I like my kindle and I like my phone I read using both of those but, I miss the bookstore.

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I MISS THIS PLACE

I think maybe I should open myself a little bookstore  someplace. I think it  fairly often but I know I  couldnt live off that.  I’ve seen three bookstores in the town I live in close. Plus Borders books which I shopped in every Tuesday when new books would release. I know enough to know it cant work.

My point is… I’m looking for something else to read… toss out ideas I’m hopeful someone can recommend an author i haven’t read… I like ongoing story telling like The Dresden Files, Wheel of Time, Belgariod. I’ll read stand alones… I’ll read…

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A good story

Bobbie the Giraffe — Coffee Encounter


Bobbi had heard stories about coffee since he was just 4 feet tall and to young to venture far from his mother. It was always ‘Don’t stray to far Bobbi’, as if he could ever get to far from his Mother she was so much bigger than he, so much faster. Today though Bobbi was finally tall enough to go off and his own. Amongst Giraffe’s it wasn’t about age, but height. Today Bobbi was as tall as the shorter Acacia tree’s they all ate from and finally he was going to go find the coffee. Mmmmmm Coffee, thought Bobbi.

Bobbi got all of his things together, his sneakers were all laced up and his hat was perched neatly on his head and last but not least, his coffee mug he had been given by a local tourist who’s son he had posed in a picture with when he was just 5 feet tall. I’m all set I suppose, no sense in waiting.  Bobbi wandered over to his Mother who was very tall for a female Giraffe and also very dignified as only a Giraffe could be with her long graceful neck and beautiful spots, a white slash of fur down her chest. ‘Mother I’m ready to go, do you have any advice for me?’

‘Advice? Yes, don’t go, Giraffe’s don’t drink coffee, and even if we did that mug of yours is far to small for a proper drink.’ Bobbi’s mother began circling around Bobbi looking him over, ‘and for goodness sake, don’t go out wearing your good shoes, those are for school.’

‘Mother, these aren’t my good shoes, these are my coffee bean design shoes see.’ Holding his hoof up to his Mother Bobbi thinks. All I want to do is go and get the coffee, I have to taste it, she just doesn’t understand. The smell, the amazing smell of the coffee its like heaven. She just doesn’t understand me. ‘ Besides Mom, its not that far to town, I wont be gone long maybe an hour’.

‘Fine fine dear just don’t be long, and for goodness sake be careful’. She replied turning away to continue her work.

With that Bobbi turned his body toward the town and began his trek. As soon as I get out of sight I can run she won’t know, besides these are my shoes. I traded my best copy of “To fool a Lion'” for them. Crossing over the hill headed to town Bobbi looked back to check that his mother wasn’t following, then as his head dipped below the hillside he began to run. Giraffe’s can reach speeds up to 50 mph when full grown but 40 is the best Bobbi could do for now; but he ran the whole way to town unable to wait for the first amazing cup of coffee.

Bobbi arrived in town after only 10 minutes of running, excited and out of breath. I’m here, I’m here! Now to find the coffee.  Looking around briefly Bobbi saw a sign with a picture of his mug on it. Quickly he cantered off down the street towards the sign, ‘Excuse Me, Excuse Me!’ Bobbi cried as he tried to keep from tripping over people and animals on his way to the shop.  Finally standing in front of it the place he had imagined for almost a year Bobbi could barely contain himself as he did a little Giraffe dance right in front of the shop. Excitedly Bobbi entered the Coffee shop and looked around. Shelves filled with cups and mugs were everywhere, bags of what he could only assume were coffee wherever he looked. The entire place had a wonderful fragrance that could only be the coffee. Approaching the counter Bobbi handed his special mug to the worker, ‘Could you please fill my cup with the best coffee you have?’

His cup returned to him Bobbi went to a table by the window and looked into it. A dark color almost the shade of the blackest thunderstorm. Steam rose from the cup bringing with it the magical smell he had dreamed of for most of a year now. Without any more hesitation Bobbi took his cup and downed it all in one big swallow.

Jenna standing behind the counter nearly jumped out of her skin as a loud screech came from the window table, followed by the sound of a mug smashing to the floor. A young giraffe was stumbling around and holding his throat as if he had just drank a boiling pot of water and burned himself from the tip of his tongue down all 5 feet of his neck.Which she supposed he really had, as she watched the giraffe finally bolted out the door and ran off down the street still screaming. ‘You know, I always thought giraffe’s were mute until I started working here.’

The End.

Phone’s are amazing!


It seems to me that having a smart phone in todays world is almost a necessity. For example; I’m writing this from my phone now using a wordpress app.

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Is this something I couldn’t do from
my laptop? No, of course I could. Handheld, portable, powered… impressive. My phone is an alarm clock, calender, calculator, handheld game device…. it’s everything. I do take it for granted though… and it does certainly make me less able to function in the world.

There was a time I knew everyone’s  phone number and address. I don’t now. I used to be able to do simple math… no longer. Birthdays and anniversaries I usually remembered. Not anymore.

of course it is fun to play games, complex games… im not counting video poker.

Really though… this post is just to see what it looks like when I write it from my phone.

Ever Wished That Calvin and Hobbes Creator Bill Watterson Would Return to the Comics Page? Well, He Just Did.


YAH!!!!!

Pearls Before Swine

Bill Watterson is the Bigfoot of cartooning.

He is legendary. He is reclusive. And like Bigfoot, there is really only one photo of him in existence. 

Few in the cartooning world have ever spoken to him. Even fewer have ever met him.

In fact, legend has it that when Steven Spielberg called to see if he wanted to make a movie, Bill wouldn’t even take the call.

So it was with little hope of success that I set out to try and meet him last April.

I was traveling through Cleveland on a book tour, and I knew that he lived somewhere in the area. I also knew that he was working with Washington Post cartoonist Nick Galifianakis on a book about Cul de Sac cartoonist Richard Thompson’s art.

So I took a shot and wrote to Nick. And Nick in turn wrote to Watterson.

And the meeting…

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Empire — May the 4th Be with you


May the 4th be with you, that’s what we hear today. Rebel propaganda designed to inspire faith in a dogmatic religion based entirely on blind obedience to a mystic power that can only be utilized by a chosen few. The Empire reists this with all of it’s power.

 

Death Star Disaster

Millions of Civilians cried out…

Millions of innocent civilians lost their lives in the rebel attack on the Imperial drilling station. Tens of thousands more were injured in ongoing hostilities with the Extremist, rebel forces. The Emperor and his staff visited several sights including a tour of the new Drilling station in an effort to show the terrorist rebel forces they could not be cowed.

 

Crimson-guard

Visiting the local hospice.

Join now!!!!!

 

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The Sock Experiments…


Understand, I have never ever done a complete load of just socks before… this is a first from me but I wanted to try and get them all white with bleach and stuff… even the black socks and striped ones and colored ones… all about uniformity. I did this because I am constantly losing socks in the wash… somehow there is always one missing. I figured If I turned them all white it wouldn’t matter… so bleach it is (yes it is great to be a guy)

So a few problems here… One … well the bleach thing didn’t work out like I planned… Two… there are a big pile of missing socks. So I decided to investigate once and for all I had a few thoughts on what could be going on.

Where Do Those Socks Go?

So sad, what has the world come too.

So sad, what has the world come too.

 

#1 The dryer is the being that delivers the sock puppet babies to expectant sock puppet parents. It does explain a few things if you look at it from just the right perspective (mine). We get half our genes from each of our parents. Eye color, skin tone, noses, bone structure… all of it we get from a blending of two individuals. Where do Sock puppets get theirs from? Well I believe it is possible that some force in this universe snatches the sock that would be a blending of the Mom and Dad sock puppet and delivers it to them via dryer. Similar to Stork deliveries only much more mysterious.

"Well Dear he does have your stripes and my Coloration".

“Well Dear he does have your stripes and my Coloration”.

#2 The dryer is secretly part of the Kitchen appliance conspiracy or perhaps the washer is framing it.  For those of you unaware, kitchen appliances have been out to get us for years they have been quietly building up their abilities. I’ll talk about that more some other post but for now, is it possible that the Washer and Dryer are both involved as well? I think it could even be possible that the Washer is really the one eliminating the socks and we simply blame the dryer, after all who sorts wet clothes to put in the Dryer. We are missing a step in our search for the truth. One of you readers should check this theory for me I’m to busy keeping g the gnome population in check.

Only the Major appliances seem to have skills. Things like coffee pots and simple toasters appear to be minions only.

Only the Major appliances seem to have skills. Things like coffee pots and simple toasters appear to be minions only.

 

#3 All dryers everywhere are part of S.P.E.W.  The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, known as S.P.E.W., was founded in 1994 by Hermione Granger in response to what she saw as gross injustice in the treatment of house-elves. It is possible that in an attempt to help House-Elves get clothing in order to free them all Dryers everywhere have been made to disaparate one sock from the laundry into a warehouse at an undisclosed location in order to further S.P.E.W.’s goals. Critics of this theory claim it has one very large draw back. Socks have been disappearing since the invention  of the Dryer it would be unlikely that an organization only created in 1994 could be responsible. However, Hermione has possessed a Time-Turner before it is possible she used it to advance her cause.

It is possible... this could be it.

It is possible… this could be it.

** Note that House Elves are not really Elves, see page 29 for further information.

 

#4 A dimensional shift cause the socks to swap between alternate dryers. This seems to be taking hold as a possibility in some circles. Science… Always trying to explain things with rationals and such. Well if this were true at some picture below should have happened. It hasn’t happened at my house yet. I asked a few other people if it had ever happened to them and they all said no. So much for Science, these are the same folks that decided Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore, not sure why I listen to them after that fiasco.funny-laundry-law-infinite-probability

#5 Socks are an easy victim of spontaneous combustion. Socks have to go someplace and there is an awful lot of lint in my dryer vents… Is it possible the poor things just burst into flames? Poor socks, they are clean and warm, spinning around having a good time in the dryer when all of a sudden PFWOOSH!!! Combustion and then… sucked into the lint trap. We would never know, I wouldn’t I don’t have a glass opening on the dryer so I cant see in there… does anyone have a glass opening that could sit for say…. a few months and check this theory out?04f01629e65553750355c690e7522725cc036d

 

In an attempt to get us all answers, I asked God directly. God however is a busy Entity and hasn’t responded yet. Perhaps he prefers we all work this one out on our own. Where do you think the socks go? I would love to know. Leave a comment and perhaps, just perhaps together we can figure out this mystery together.

 

Golden Retriever Sock Recovery Program... still working out the bugs on this.

Golden Retriever Sock Recovery Program… still working out the bugs on this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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