Understand, I have never ever done a complete load of just socks before… this is a first from me but I wanted to try and get them all white with bleach and stuff… even the black socks and striped ones and colored ones… all about uniformity. I did this because I am constantly losing socks in the wash… somehow there is always one missing. I figured If I turned them all white it wouldn’t matter… so bleach it is (yes it is great to be a guy)
So a few problems here… One … well the bleach thing didn’t work out like I planned… Two… there are a big pile of missing socks. So I decided to investigate once and for all I had a few thoughts on what could be going on.
Where Do Those Socks Go?
#1 The dryer is the being that delivers the sock puppet babies to expectant sock puppet parents. It does explain a few things if you look at it from just the right perspective (mine). We get half our genes from each of our parents. Eye color, skin tone, noses, bone structure… all of it we get from a blending of two individuals. Where do Sock puppets get theirs from? Well I believe it is possible that some force in this universe snatches the sock that would be a blending of the Mom and Dad sock puppet and delivers it to them via dryer. Similar to Stork deliveries only much more mysterious.
#2 The dryer is secretly part of the Kitchen appliance conspiracy or perhaps the washer is framing it. For those of you unaware, kitchen appliances have been out to get us for years they have been quietly building up their abilities. I’ll talk about that more some other post but for now, is it possible that the Washer and Dryer are both involved as well? I think it could even be possible that the Washer is really the one eliminating the socks and we simply blame the dryer, after all who sorts wet clothes to put in the Dryer. We are missing a step in our search for the truth. One of you readers should check this theory for me I’m to busy keeping g the gnome population in check.
#3 All dryers everywhere are part of S.P.E.W. The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, known as S.P.E.W., was founded in 1994 by Hermione Granger in response to what she saw as gross injustice in the treatment of house-elves. It is possible that in an attempt to help House-Elves get clothing in order to free them all Dryers everywhere have been made to disaparate one sock from the laundry into a warehouse at an undisclosed location in order to further S.P.E.W.’s goals. Critics of this theory claim it has one very large draw back. Socks have been disappearing since the invention of the Dryer it would be unlikely that an organization only created in 1994 could be responsible. However, Hermione has possessed a Time-Turner before it is possible she used it to advance her cause.
** Note that House Elves are not really Elves, see page 29 for further information.
#4 A dimensional shift cause the socks to swap between alternate dryers. This seems to be taking hold as a possibility in some circles. Science… Always trying to explain things with rationals and such. Well if this were true at some picture below should have happened. It hasn’t happened at my house yet. I asked a few other people if it had ever happened to them and they all said no. So much for Science, these are the same folks that decided Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore, not sure why I listen to them after that fiasco.
#5 Socks are an easy victim of spontaneous combustion. Socks have to go someplace and there is an awful lot of lint in my dryer vents… Is it possible the poor things just burst into flames? Poor socks, they are clean and warm, spinning around having a good time in the dryer when all of a sudden PFWOOSH!!! Combustion and then… sucked into the lint trap. We would never know, I wouldn’t I don’t have a glass opening on the dryer so I cant see in there… does anyone have a glass opening that could sit for say…. a few months and check this theory out?
In an attempt to get us all answers, I asked God directly. God however is a busy Entity and hasn’t responded yet. Perhaps he prefers we all work this one out on our own. Where do you think the socks go? I would love to know. Leave a comment and perhaps, just perhaps together we can figure out this mystery together.