There is nothing worse then getting bad news, except killing the messenger! An Evil Overlord must have good information in order to thwart the plans of the “Good Guys”. If you kill the messenger you wont ever hear the truth and all of your best laid Evil Plots will come to naught. So with that in mind we continue with our Evil Overlords list after a rather protracted absence.
This is a very straightforward tip for the burgeoning Evil Overlord amongst you. Having a top notch messenger service could mean the difference between capturing the Hero, or being captured yourself. Treat them with respect and dignity, pay them well and allow them the Illusion of freedom in order to get the best results. You can always have them assassinated in a less conspicuous way if you feel the need. It may not be as satisfying as blasting them to atoms right in front of you but it is better for morale.
Nothing is more important to the realm you are Overlord of then having the right people in the right positions. Hero’s frequent taverns and even brothels so insure you have the most cranky and exasperating people you can staffing those places in order to lower morale.
All of the hopelessly naive girls who are working at Daddy’s place to help out, need to be fired. If the Father won’t do it then burn the place down. Large breasted, empty headed bimbo’s should be given clerical work to do in the ministry of over-lordship. What you truly want to have in place is people like Carla, those world weary spirits who will burst the heroes bubble, mock them for their beliefs and be an overall pain in the ass. There is nothing worse for the moral of the hero and his party then to come in for a hot meal and some camaraderie, only to be treated like the scum of the earth.
You can find people like Carla all over the world, usually working in some type of retail. Find the ones who have done it for years, they hate people. An added bonus to hiring people outside the field of waitressing and bartending is this; they will almost always get the orders wrong making the hero that much more miserable and when the hero complains, politely of course, the “Carla’s” of the world will tell them to stop whining and drink or eat whatever they were given…. this is a win win!
Hero’s often surround themselves with fools, jesters, thieves and, well lets be honest all around idiots. The reason they do this is to keep their spirits up, to cause distraction and in some cases simply to irritate you, the Evil Overlord. There is a simple way to solve this problem, have them killed. Purge all the bumbling wizards, the court jesters, the cowards and it will be easier to kill the hero.
For example, the television show Chuck. It’s hard to say how many potential Evil Overlords were thwarted by Chuck… we do know without the Nerd Herd to back him up through comic relief and bumbling distractions, Chuck would have been lit on fire and used as a light source for the Neanderthals he worked with.
Chuck isn’t the only example of this of course there are so many to choose from though, to narrow the focus to only a few seems folly. Those idiotic droids for Luke Skywalker, the Ferrets for the Beastmaster, “Q” for James Bond. Those idiots surrounding Dr. Horrible… yes, yes I know he was supposed to be an Evil Overlord but we all know Captain Hammer was the true Overlord.
What have we learned form todays tip? Kill everything surrounding the Hero, no matter how pathetic they might be.
Evil Overlords are a breed apart. They dress in somber black and have an oppressive air about them at all times. People try to imitate them attempting to bring a sense of preternatural dread to their otherwise unimposing selves. How many dark robed psychopaths do we need? How many shredded cloak wearing faceless whatevers are necessary? Dare to be different, how confused would the hapless Hero be if confronted with brightly clad legions of terror?
We don’t want to take this to far of course, you should dress the part. However, your troops shouldn’t always follow suit. Ill give you a few examples. White Clad Stormtroopers in a jungle campaign is stupid, things might have gone differently on Endor if they had Camo armor. Likewise, bright red coats and walking in straight lines is idiotic. You want to cause confusion, not a self-imposed massacre of your own forces. Everything in moderation is the point here. Utilize all the tools at your disposal.
Don’t just run out and deck yourself out in a “Ming” like outfit though, remember the point is to be unique, be one of a kind, be an Evil Overlord that other less well gifted people will mimic. Let them be the posers, the pretenders and unimaginative and you be a trend setter. ALL HAIL MING!
Nothing better than a pet monster to while away the boring times. Jabba had his Rancor, Symour had his Audry and you could have whatever your heart desires as well. Just remember not to allow it free rein. Be kind to your pet monster just in case it does ever escape as well more on that later.
There have been overlords who keep pets and do well with them, as Stated previously. Jabba was a good example of what happens when you have things well in hand. The rancor was kept below the throne room and the doors were never opened while the rancor was in the pit. Symour however lost his Girlfriend Audrey to Audrey the plant Monster or Chlorofiend as they are apparently called now. Plant Monster being a childish term as per Harry Dresden.
In most cases keeping a pet usually turns bad if you don’t think it through. Piranhas can eat your henchmen if they aren’t careful. velociraptor and for that matter dinosaurs in general are a poor choice having no sense of loyalty at all, just look at what happened on Isle Nebula. Some semi Intelligent creature is best. I keep a few Humans around for that reason.
The main thing to remember is to have their cage secured against accidental slips, trips and falls. Nothing could be more embarrassing then tripping over the lifeless corpse of the hero’s sidekick and falling into a pit of poisonous snakes.
The only thing that could be better than one amazing B.F.G. is two! You should always have a backup as an Evil Overlord! A Backup plot a Backup gun and of course backup controls for those days when someone sabotage’s the primary control panel. Preferably something you keep upon your person. Have twice as much as your advisors tell you to have and you will have a long and prosperous reign.
History teaches us that not having redundancies in place will cost us. If the power coupling goes down… there should be a secondary. If the first pistol jams there should be a second, and don’t forget to have the armorer killed for shoddy workmanship. If the primary control center goes off line then switch to the second control room. Same goes for power plants. If all of your power comes from one source you are vulnerable. Multiple sources multiple sites and even the secondary places should be guarded and fortified just like the primary site.
Many an Overlord has been defeated because they were unprepared for their enemies tactics. Let the whole world know you have only one gun, one power supply one control room, let it be common knowledge. Let the Hero plan, let his sidekick offer funny side comments and when they come for you let them be surprised to death. If the Death Star had had a second shield generator the rebellion would have been taken to pieces.
Redundancy and repetition are key ingredients to your reign. So que up production and make a few spares.
Yes being an Evil Overlord should have its perks. Sure that highborn lady would look good in your bedchamber, and yet… she hates you, find someone less likely to stick a knife in you. Those pesky rebels sure do have a few things going for them… namely the women they have serving ith them. Same goes for the insurgents, terrorists, or simply some merry men.
Just say NO! Don’t try to marry them, Don’t try to bed them… just don’t do it! Besides the possibility that the unwilling lady could stick a knife in your ribs there is the very real possibility of them escaping. Just don’t risk it. A perfect example is the Sheriff of Nottingham. If he had just killed Marion off his life would have been so much simpler. He could have had it all, instead he ended up dead and worst of all to an Evil Overlord he was made to look foolish. You can in most cases survive death as an Evil Overlord, look at all the Part II’s out there in the world :). On the other hand looking foolish forces you to make examples of many loyal minions in order to prove that you are a ruthless malevolent mastermind.
So the moral of the story is just keep the prisoners in the prison, or better yet kill them.